records of a young girls thoughts

SEPTEMBER 2, 2026

i wish i could tell people how i feel without feelignf crazy

AUGUST 31, 2026

always choose love.

AUGUST 29, 2026

i realise its good that i am emotional. it seems as if its a good thing, atleast.
it means im sensitive, and feel things more maybe?
right now im in an odd stage of my life. i feel like something switched. i dont know what.
but this time its good..im rambling while tired which isnt helping but ifi cant even talk to my own therapist and lie to her every damn session atleast i have strangers online. yeah?

AUGUST 27, 2026

i feel like im dissolving slowly

AUGUST 23, 2026

its always something...

AUGUST 21, 2026

if i die i want to be remembered.
i want to somewhat have a mark on the world. i was not a "copy" of anyone. i was a person, living, walking, talking, breathing.
a daughter, a cousin, a friend, and a family member.
i was once a happy child. take this entry however you may.

AUGUST 20, 2026

i wish i could just say my emotions freely.
but then i'd be considered crazy and i am NOT crazy i am an emotional teenage girl with
frankly too much on her mind at seventeen.
i want to scream and break shit. i want to cry until i cant anymore.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS LIFE AND THIS EARTH ANYMORE.
everything has gone to shit. every. single thing. im surprised if i dont get sent to a fcuking MENTAL hospital. i have such a strong dislike for the human race now.
it was bad, and now? NOW it is way worse. i am losing my mind. losing. it. now I know how my mother felt with my father. this. is. what it feels like.
i just wnt to be at peace. and i am. with myself. and the world, sometimes. i just. i cant. i dont know what to do. this is all too much for me.

AUGUST 14, 2026

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you my cam

AUGUST 9, 2026

as of two days ago, i cut off my long brown hair.
i wanted to feel like a new person. and i somewhat do. my rapist who i have mentioned
in the june 22nd entry, he loved my long brown hair and i chopped it off. i didnt do it incredibly short, but
I feel as if i am taking some sort of power back, and i love it.
just something. its always something..

JULY 25, 2026

my mind is spewing thoughts non stop, and its getting overwhelming.

JULY 19, 2026

going to my true home state today..
miss it a lot. very excited.

JULY 14, 2026

i cant breathe w/o you..lovelovelove you...

JULY 3, 2026

love always...

JULY 1, 2026

im gonna be an angel forever

JUNE 27, 2026

no serious entries(yet). i really wanna try an ikea princess cake..

JUNE 24, 2026

oh so tired.

JUNE 22, 2026

i think the past month or two i have discovered my actual,
true self.. a rebirth of my soul. i have made very bad decisions in my life,
constantly people pleasing and trying to compensate for not loving that one guy i had stuck myself with for
half a year.
in the back of my mind i knew i had loved c throughout all of this deep disgusting hell i have been in for atleast 7 long years.
im aware im still young and have time but it doesnt feel like i do.
i want to go back seven years and just shoot younger me point blank in the head or shake her or do something to prevent these events.
i now know why, whenever i was in a relationship, i was just entertaining the person, not actually feeling love.
when i did "feel love", it was more like i was happy I WAS loved by the person and that I would say words of affirmations/lies to them to keep them happy
and loving me. because i wanted love.
wanted physical touch in the case of my last relationship. i wanted my cam. i know im only seventeen but i feel like ive lived atleast 10 lives. I've loved my cam for a good 10 years.

JUNE 21, 2026

my head hurts and i just want to be held by my C.

JUNE 18, 2026

woke up to a horrible start.
the power wnt out 3 times, was off for a while but is now back on.
i have been up since 6am and havve not yet gone back to sleep.
god help me.

JUNE 16, 2026

i hate unloading the dishwasher.
thats it, that's the entry.
nothing serious for today.. may stay up late working on the site.

JUNE 14, 2026

i have nothing "serious" to say today despite being kinda bummed
about Oliver Tree's death. his old music holds
a lot of nostalgia for me.

JUNE 11, 2026

i just want to go home.
i will very, very soon..
oh so very tired of all of this..

JUNE 10, 2026

so much i want to say, yet,
so little time...